I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
