So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
