So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why are your pants in the freezer?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
