You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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