it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
