Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
