So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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