It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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