at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
