tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
it was like eating out sand paper
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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