I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
