he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
