today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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