he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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