i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Farmville is her only friend.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
