I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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