Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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