Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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