Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
