Your face is a jimmy john
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
