This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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