I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
