Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
