You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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