So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
