i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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