just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
