I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
