that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
