I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
