Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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