Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You have to summon your inner elephant
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize