i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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