i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize