You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
