He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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