Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
