Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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