This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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