I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
