everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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