Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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