I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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