I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
