He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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