Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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