OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
