I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
