Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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