When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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