I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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