i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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