I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How does one acquire holy water?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
