I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize