She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am puke
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize