Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
