BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize