I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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