I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
