We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
