she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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