dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
