There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
