I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
