3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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