I wish I could teleport
im six kinds of drunk right now
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
