We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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