Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
