the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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