where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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