I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
